How to Explain Prejudice to a child: A Parent’s guide
Recent events in Minneapolis have triggered an explosion of protest across the world at the persistent and pervasive problems of racism and other prejudice that permeate across our societies. Parents of young children are caught between two intimidating challenges, the first being to shield their families from the worst excesses of violence and turmoil. The other is perhaps even more daunting to some, and that is explaining it all to their kids. But how to explain prejudice to a child?
Children are naturally curious, and are bound to want to know why there is so much raucous, why people on the TV or even on their street appear angry, carrying signs or throwing things. In the eyes of a child it can all be quite baffling. For parents, approaching the subject is important, yet fraught with concern, so we have prepared some advice for how to deal with it.
1. Don’t expect to get it done in one short conversation
Explaining racism and prejudice to young people is a process. You can’t possible cover everything in a single conversation, so the first step is understanding and acknowledging that you can’t achieve what you want in that way.
2. Prepare your own thoughts before you start
A very important thing is that you are clear and unambiguous when speaking to your children. Ambiguities and baffling explanations will just leave them more confused. This means you need to take time to think and prepare what you might say to explain the key ideas. For example, have you ever tried to define “racism” out loud? You may be able to visualize it in your mind, but explaining it aloud is another thing altogether.
Find resources to help you understand the definitions clearly (there are many available online!) You should wait to speak with your kids until you feel confident about the topic yourself.
3. Start with the basics, and then let the kids lead with their questions
Kids are both tougher and smarter than you think. Those topics you think they can’t handle, they likely can, and with gusto. Their minds are truly wondrous; able to listen, absorb, understand and clarify in ways that adults cannot. You can start the conversation by addressing the terms you’ve now clarified in the context of what kids have seen going on around them.
After that, give your children space to reflect and ask questions about what they’ve heard. The point of the exercise is to get them thinking, not to hammer things into their heads to memorize or repeat like parrots later on.
4. Reassure kids that prejudice doesn’t make them inherently bad
One reaction that some kids may have is that they have expressed or shown prejudice themselves, which might scare them. You can reassure them by pointing out that our struggle as a community is not in stamping out all prejudice, but rather recognizing it when it happens and trying to overcome it together. Use examples from your own life when you’ve subconsciously or otherwise shown prejudice, and how you reflected upon it and improved. Kids often idolize grown-ups, so helping them understand that even grown-ups are working on this will encourage them.
Gentle but Direct – This is the Best Way
Honesty and awareness are the two core principles at the heart of this lesson. We don’t want to alarm kids, or make them think they’ve done something wrong. The goal should be to help them understand what’s going on in the world around them, and not to be afraid to ask questions about it. In this way, over time, we help raise our children to be sensitive and caring members of the community.
To help you, here are some resources to help with the conversation:
A parent’s guide in preventing and responding to prejudice
Talking about racism and bias: resources for parents and caregivers
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